{"id":5183,"date":"2020-05-14T00:57:05","date_gmt":"2020-05-13T16:57:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindchamps.org\/au\/blog\/5-effective-ways-avoid-power-struggles-children\/"},"modified":"2021-02-02T10:37:27","modified_gmt":"2021-02-02T02:37:27","slug":"5-effective-ways-avoid-power-struggles-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/blog\/5-effective-ways-avoid-power-struggles-children\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Effective Ways to Avoid Power Struggles with Children"},"content":{"rendered":"

According to Maslow\u2019s hierarchy of needs<\/a>, the sense of power and dominance is a basic emotional need that we all seek to fulfill. The need to satisfy this craving for power begins as early as the age of two, as this is when children begin to see themselves as separate individuals from their parents. This phase of life leads children to discover that they are capable of creating or triggering various emotions and reactions in their parents \u2013 which also marks the start of a very long journey involving power struggles.<\/p>\n

Characteristics of a strong-willed child<\/b><\/h2>\n

By three years old, most children have developed sharper skills in this area which causes parents to feel overwhelmed, overpowered and determined to <\/span>start disciplining their 3-year-old<\/span>. However, attempts by parents to overpower their children often leads to opposite results, leaving their children feeling more angry and defiant than ever.<\/span><\/p>\n

A defiant 3-year-old can be quite a challenge to overcome. This will mark a completely new phase in the relationship between you and your toddler, and as every experienced parent will tell you, when they start saying no things can get really exhausting. Raising a strong-willed child is certainly not easy, especially if they start throwing tantrums in a situation when you\u2019re in a hurry or really tired. But the bottom line is that they will start saying no to you and will occasionally refuse to do what you tell them, so you need to be prepared.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fortunately<\/span>, parents can turn this phase into a rewarding lesson for both themselves and their children by looking at this behaviour from a different light and responding to the battle of wills in a creative manner. Here are some suggestions to help you ease the power struggles w<\/span>hich will surely arise if you\u2019re parenting a strong-willed <\/span>child:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Side-step the power struggle<\/strong><\/h2>\n

To deal with power struggles positively, one method which was shared by Karan Sims, instructor at the International Network for Children and Families<\/a>, involves side-stepping the power struggle. In order to do this, you \u2013 as the parent \u2013 would need to refuse to give in to your child\u2019s invitation to join his\/her power struggle.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an example on how to side-step a power struggle situation:<\/span><\/p>\n

When your <\/span>defiant 3-year-old doesn\u2019t listen<\/span> and gives you a flat \u201cNo\u201d as an answer when you ask if he\/she is ready for a bath, try your best to stay calm. <\/span>That\u2019s the most important thing when dealing with this.<\/span> You can turn the situation around by asking, \u201cCan you walk to the bathroom with me or do you want me to carry you?\u201d If your child is feeling cheeky, he\/she might answer, \u201cI want you to carry me \u2013 piggyback style \u2013 and gallop like a horse!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In this case, although your toddler\u2019s answer acts as the ticket for you to join a power struggle, you can side-step the situation by not fighting or giving in. You can turn the situation into a happy and loving one instead of starting yet another battle of wills when it comes to bath time. According to Sims, when you side-step the power struggle, you are telling your children, \u201cI am not going to fight with you. I am not going to hurt you. I am not going to overpower you and I\u2019m not going to give in either.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Give choices \u2013 not orders<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Once you have successfully side-stepped the power struggle, the next thing to do is to give your child choices. For example, if your child kicks up a fuss about leaving the house right away to attend swimming lessons, you can let him have a choice of which swim goggles to use. Once that is done, let him lock up by choosing which set of keys to use (assuming you have a master set and some spare sets). With this gradual transition, you have succeeded in getting your child to go for his swimming lesson and dissipate the power struggle about leaving the house.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do ensure that the choices you give your children are ones which you can accept. <\/span>If they call your bluff and choose something you don\u2019t want, that creates a new problem.<\/span> For instance, when your child misbehaves while eating out, do not give him\/her the choice of either sitting down quietly until everyone has finished eating or to leave the restaurant if you don\u2019t intend to leave so soon.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is also important to make sure that the choices you give do not represent alternatives of punishment. Thus, when you give your child an ultimatum by saying \u201cYou either clean up this mess or go to the time-out chair\u201d, this creates fear and intimidation rather than empowerment. <\/span>They need to feel good about the choices they\u2019re making and be able to sense that the decision was their own to make.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Use more \u201cDo\u201d commands<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t stay up too late!\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Does this sound familiar? Most of us tend to use \u201cDon\u2019t\u201d commands to get our children to do what we want them to. However, most of the times, it gets us nowhere near what we want them to do in the first place. \u201cDon\u2019t\u201d commands require your child to double process (\u201cWhat does mum wants me to do in the first place?\u201d) as most of what he\/she gets from your message is what you don\u2019t want him\/her to do. This can be confusing and discouraging, especially for younger children <\/span>because what they get from that is what you DON\u2019T want them to do, not necessarily what you do, so the right course of action may still elude them.<\/span><\/p>\n

To turn things around, parenting expert and best-selling author Amy McCready recommends that we calmly state what we want our children to do right from the start. So, rather than saying \u201cDon\u2019t run\u201d, try \u201cPlease use your walking feet\u201d instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Find alternatives for your child to be powerful<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The next time you find yourself <\/span>faced with a challenge concerning parenting a strong-willed child<\/span>, do find a way to give your child more power to ease the situation. For example, if your <\/span>stubborn toddler<\/span> often kicks up a fuss about buckling up in the car, you can put him\/her in charge of making sure that the rest of his\/her siblings are safely secured. Apart from making your child feel important, it helps to divert his\/her attention away from the power struggle over buckling up.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Teach your child to say \u201cNo\u201d respectfully<\/strong><\/h2>\n

As parents, it is natural for us to react negatively when our children give \u201cNo\u201d as an answer. However, the last thing we want to do is to send the message to them that they should not give \u201cNo\u201d as an answer, as there will be times when they need to stand up for themselves in the face of peer pressure and inappropriate situations. <\/span>They need to know that refusing something is acceptable under the right conditions<\/span>, so what you can do instead is to teach them to say \u201cNo\u201d or to disagree in a respectful and appropriate manner. This can involve them explaining the reason behind their disagreement to help the other party understand their point of view better.<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking to give your child a good head start in character building during the early years? Find out how this is incorporated into MindChamps Early Learning\u2019s cutting-edge curriculum – book a visit to your preferred centre<\/a>\u00a0 now!<\/p>\n

Written by Justina Goh<\/em><\/p>\n

Article republished with permission from the MindChamps Singapore blog<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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According to Maslow\u2019s hierarchy of needs, the sense of power and dominance is a basic emotional need that we all seek to fulfill. The need to satisfy this craving for power begins as early as the age of two, as this is when children begin to see themselves as separate individuals from their parents. This…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5184,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[883],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[2902,521,428,2907,2901,2516,2513,2519,2905,2903,2514,807,2518,2512,2520,2904,2515,2698,2517,2906],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5183"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5183"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5183\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7768,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5183\/revisions\/7768"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5183"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchise.mindchamps.org\/au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=5183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}